Now that we're all over the shock of not living in a world where the 87th most attractive woman of 2001 actually exists... we have to get our asses to mars.
047 Lara Croft: Tomb Raider
After last weeks movie-equivalent of batting-at-string Jason, Jon and Mack are ready to doff their fedoras and set off on their Indiana Jo... cough sorry... their Lara Croft: Tomb Raider adventure. Needless to say we are much relieved to be doing something that isn't a 1v1 stand-up combat game.
046 Wing Commander
Star Log Entry #0205-1999. This week Wing Commander Deveraux is being a total jerk bag again. She told me to wash my underwear out and said I can't play bumper fighter anymore. She's such a drag.
I'm going to run away.
- Todd "Maniac" Marshall XOXOXOXOXO
045 Mortal Kombat
In an epic showdown for the ages Jon & Jason go toe-to-toe with death risking annihilation. But when the critical moment arrives they refuse to accept the match saving the day! In this weeks episode the mega-super-ensemble film Mortal Kombat lurks in the shadows taking the form of gummy worm waiting to attack!
044 Street Fighter
Moving forward, or in this case laterally towards the center, we continue to one of the most venerated game franchises of all time Street Fighter. Hide your hatchback's kids things are about to get dangerous!
043 Double Dragon
This week watch with misty eyes as Scott Wolf Fist-Fives his way into the heart of Alyssa Milano... at until he loses control of his half of the magical medallion in Double Dragon.
040B Side Slop: Never Too Young To Die
Jon and Chris have always believed there is nothing better then a good old fashioned Vanity project! And it is with that spirit that we dive into the John Stamos cult classic Never Too Young to Die!
038B Side Slop: John Wick: Chapter 3
What makes a great video game movie? Heap on the style and and delete the video game portion! Find out why that statement is relevant to John Wick 3 as Jon and Special Guest Jason have their soft parts attacked by John Wick Chapter 3 - Parabellum!
036B Side Slop: Hard Hunted
Kane is back.. in time apparently. As a much younger, more handsome but significantly less interesting version of himself and he is here to finish what he started! And by finish I mean start a whole new plan with his whole new face! This time Jon and Chris dodge errant missiles ejected from the action epic Hard Hunted!
Savage Beach > (+1) Hard Ticket to Hawaii > Do or Die > (-1) Picasso Trigger > (-1) Guns > (-1) Malibu Express
Savage Beach > Hard Ticket to Hawaii > Do Or Die > (-1) Guns> (-1) Picasso Trigger > (-1) Malibu Express
027B Side Slop: Hard Ticket to Hawaii
Jon and Chris are back to attack the animals-gone-mad action epic super spy spectacular that took 1987 by storm... that's right! A Hard Ticket to Hawaii has been bought and we're about to take that ride! Let's see how they've charted this short jaunt by light aircraft!
Chris Rankings: Savage Beach > Hard Ticket to Hawaii > (-1) Malibu Express
Jon Rankings: Savage Beach > Hard Ticket to Hawaii > (-1) Malibu Express
020 Hard Rain
After laughing ourselves silly watching the comedic genius that was the oddly shaped nugget on Robot Quaid in The Adventures of Pluto Nash Jason and Jon decide to investigate what other head shapes Randy Quaid is capable of using. Naturally a flooded mid-west town is a great place to utility heads. Diving Bell heads, drill heads, nose cone heads... so Jon and Jason jump into the regularly scheduled Hard Rain and the ensuing flood in the basin city of Huntingburg, Indiana.
019 The Adventures of Pluto Nash
Last time on Wonder Woman Rosario Dawson was a literal superhuman... today we follow Regular Rosario to the very special location of THE MOOOOOOON. She lands with a hope, a dream and a just enough moxie to be a singing superstar. Now that we have taken the time to establish that lets find out what it has to do with real estate!
018 Wonder Woman
Last week on the "Bacon Luge" we found that when you say Candyman 5 times into a mirror Tony Todd Pops up and murders people... This week we ask "what happens if you say 'Doctoral Candidate Helen Lyle' into the mirror 5 times?". Apparently Virginia Madsen crafts a baby from blood and sand and asexually births a female humanoid demigod hero.... not the female humanoid demigod hero we deserve but the female humanoid demigod hero we need. It's all DC so I assume that line works no matter how you apply it. This week Wonder Woman.....Animated.
015 The Replacement Killers
Did you spend the majority of The Killer wishing that it was in English and there was more then one "Killer"? Well then boy-howdy are you in for a treat! Watch as someone copy and pastes the script to last weeks movie into Google-Translate and we see what comes out the other side!
014 The Killer
Last week Danny Lee was searching for something and he caused the death of nearly everyone in the world. This week Chow Yun-Fat causes the death of nearly everyone in the world which makes him search for something. There has to be something meaningful in that dichotomy. Join us as we discover the disappointing answer to that mystery in The Killer.
011 Cleopatra Jones and the Casino of Gold
Last week Stella Stevens was bested in single combat by Mom... it wasn't a fair fight. Stella had no idea what about going down at the time and naturally being a lycan-granny is against the rules of most boxing commissions. But you can't keep a good woman down and so this week Stella Stevens is back and she's going to challenge some fool to a duel.... in the old school.... its pretty cool... stay tuned for Cleopatra Jones and the Casino of Gold
We have accidentally become an Emilio Estevez based show. Welcome to the mans third consecutive appearance. We swear it was an accident and shan't be repeated. Last time Frankie Faison's found his dropped keys and has now driven off into the sunset. When the sun rises he's been transported into the future where he has no job skills aside from culinary creativity. Lets see where this goes...
005 Maximum Overdrive
Today we followed the garbagy pong of Emilio Estevez from Men at Work to a small highway truck stop where Emilio has gotten promoted all the way to line cook. Things start getting weird for our country diner when the earth goes through a comets tail... yep. Those two ideas are directly connected in Maximum Overdrive.
002 Big Trouble in Little China
In todays episode we have followed the delightful Victor Wong from his previous home in Perfection Vally to San Francisco where he and his misfit-band of friends will have a mystical adventure that begins as all great stories do.... in an attorney's office.